Shopping at a big box retailer, I saw the face of the gelatinous mishmash of adipose tissue, lipids, and pork fat you might recognize as Adele on the cover of a magazine at the checkstand. I managed to suppress my gag reflex long enough to make it through my transaction and get back to my vehicle. However, I made the mistake of turning on my radio instead of opting for my iPod for God knows what reason. I was then assaulted by that “Imma Be” song that Fergie does which is probably the worst piece of garbage ever recorded. Then, the thought occurred to me:
Do I hate Fergie more, or do I hate Adele more?
The question is really apples and oranges. While I do hate Adele, it is only from a musical standpoint. Adele at least makes the effort (albeit a failure) to have some kind of depth. Fergie on the other hand, is a vapid, irrelevant, waste of carbon and I despise her very DNA. Borrowing a phrase from the movie “Due Date,” I hate Fergie on a cellular level. In my opinion, she is one of the worst blights perpetrated on the ears of unassuming music enthusiasts, massacring our perfectly innocent eardrums with her insipid caterwauling and has done so to the point that I hate the very fiber of who she is. Moreover, I think that The Hague should really take a serious look at putting Fergie’s parents on trial for Crimes Against Humanity for unleashing on us that disgusting, subhuman, freak who looks like a transvestite who got dressed in a hurry. I hate Fergie’s parents for having her. In all fairness, Fergie didn’t ask to be born. If she had, I hope her mother would have had the common sense to respond in the negative.
*Point of Information* The above is in reference to the Fergie whose real name is Stacy Ferguson and gyrates like a demonic possession victim on stage with the Black-Eyed Peas. I am NOT referring to Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York, whose nickname is also Fergie. To be fair, the duchess had the nickname first and I love THAT Fergie. Then again, I’m a sucker for redheads.