I hate that this is starting to turn into a hate blog, and I will do my best to make sure the next posts are more positive. However, I just have to declare that I cannot stand the band of weenies and likely high school swirly victims known as Coldplay. I will go on record as saying that any straight man who listens to them or likes any of their songs should immediately head to the nearest plastic surgeon to discuss a sex change. No straight man can listen to Coldplay and still be masculine.
I also heard a whisper that Chris whatever his name is and Blythe Danner’s daughter are friends with Beyonce and Jay-Z. Jay-Z is the most overrated “rapper” who would not even have a career if it wasn’t for the fact that he stole from Nas and Notorious B.I.G. And Beyonce is a robot who is really more of a puppet than an entertainer. So it makes perfect sense that the two most overrated entertainers who are married are friends with the front man of the world’s worst band. I can never hate Gwyneth Paltrow, though-she did “Shakespeare in Love.”
Coldplay is made up of a bunch of self-important, whining airbags and the fact that they are popular is further testament to how horrible the music scene has gotten. So all of you wannabe hipster idiots that I love to harp on go put on your fitted white or red New York Yankees hats with the size sticker still on it to match your “Affliction” t-shirts and all of you heavily made-up, morally stunted females with your Adele cds and fake fingernails and colored contact lenses enjoy your Coldplay. The rest of us who have not sold our souls to the bastard child of the unholy union of the status quo and corporate America will be listening to real music. You’re welcome to try and join us when you snap out of your stupor. We’ll reject you, but you’re still welcome to try.