Monthly Archives: January 2012

Weighing In: National Anthem Performances for AFC and NFC Title Games

I’ve never understood the need for the National Anthem at sporting events. Sports and politics are two separate things and should stay that way in my opinion. Does the Speaker of the House yell out a chant for his or her favorite sports team before starting a Congress session? A resounding NO! Anyway, assuming you care, here are my impressions, feelings, emanations, rumblings and mishmash of psychobabble about the respective performances from today’s NFC and AFC Championship games.

AFC-Steven Tyler was just. . .wow and yikes are words that come to mind. I was not thinking of the USA as I watched him caterwaul and miss notes left and right, I was thinking of the hirsute Paula Cole’s “Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?” Not since watching the film “Marathon Man” have I cringed at such a disturbing and unsettling sight unfold before me on my television screen. Seeing Steven Tyler, who looked very “geriatric” during that performance, was just plain sad. I can’t believe he is now JUDGING people on American Idol for their (lack of) talent. Granted, Steven Tyler has quite a bit of sweat equity but still, at today’s AFC title game, Steven Tyler’s performance showed that he is aging about as well as mayonnaise in the sun. I guess he should “dream on” if he thinks he’ll be asked to do that again! Ha ha ha . . .aaaah my side hurts. . .

NFC-Kristin Chenoweth’s performance was passable. Gee, the game was on Fox and she just happens to be on Fox’s shit. . er I mean hit show, “Glee.” I wonder how that happened. . . Sarcasm aside, her singing voice belies the annoying, high pitched, speaking voice she was cursed with even her falsetto is having an identity crisis and really wants to be a soprano. However, the grotesque, likely surgically-altered appearance made her look more like a some kind of a possessed Barbie doll that has come to life through some unholy supernatural force which totally overshadowed her performance.

Regardless of how sheepish these two performers are about their national anthem fails, I’m sure they still feel great compared to how Bill Cundiff must feel right now.


“Stereo Love”-Edward Maya f. Vika Jigulina-2009

Batten down the hatches! I’m finally posting about something I like and not ranting!! Huzzah!

I really have enjoyed this song ever since the first time I heard it almost three years ago.  For me, it really is reminiscent of the old electronica days with bands like Prodigy, Fatboy Slim, and Massive Attack, to name a few.  If you can be BOTHERED to REMEMBER, you’ll recall that in a previous post I declared how much I love Russia.  For me, the electronic accordion music that comprises the main harmony of this song makes me think of Russia.  Now save your badly misspelled and tersely worded e-mails flaming me because I KNOW that the artists in this song are Romanian and not Russian.  However, the beautiful sounds in this song still make me think of the image of walking down a street on a cold Winter’s night in Moscow with The Kremlin shrouded with snow, the biting winds stinging my face, the hint of cigarette smoke in the air and the pulsating rhythm of a dance club inviting me in and the wonderful accordion melody making me stay.
The Kremlin

Coldplay-How are they so Popular?

I hate that this is starting to turn into a hate blog, and I will do my best to make sure the next posts are more positive.  However, I just have to declare that I cannot stand the band of weenies and likely high school swirly victims known as Coldplay.  I will go on record as saying that any straight man who listens to them or likes any of their songs should immediately head to the nearest plastic surgeon to discuss a sex change.  No straight man can listen to Coldplay and still be masculine.

I also heard a whisper that Chris whatever his name is and Blythe Danner’s daughter are friends with Beyonce and Jay-Z.  Jay-Z is the most overrated “rapper” who would not even have a career if it wasn’t for  the fact that he stole from Nas and Notorious B.I.G. And Beyonce is a robot who is really more of a puppet than an entertainer.  So it makes perfect sense that the two most overrated entertainers who are married are friends with the front man of the world’s worst band.  I can never hate Gwyneth Paltrow, though-she did “Shakespeare in Love.”

Coldplay is made up of a bunch of self-important, whining airbags and the fact that they are popular is further testament to how horrible the music scene has gotten.  So all of you wannabe hipster idiots that I love to harp on go put on your fitted white or red New York Yankees hats with the size sticker still on it to match your “Affliction” t-shirts and all of you heavily made-up, morally stunted females with your Adele cds and fake fingernails and colored contact lenses enjoy your Coldplay. The rest of us who have not sold our souls to the bastard child of the unholy union of the status quo and corporate America will be listening to real music.  You’re welcome to try and join us when you snap out of your stupor.  We’ll reject you, but you’re still welcome to try.

Are You as Sick of Maroon 5 as I am?

I swear if I hear that ridiculous whining in that “Moves Like Jagger” song one more time, I think I will lose it. The worthless piece of garbage that has the audacity to compare himself to a rock deity like Mick Jagger should be immediately hauled from his cushy lair and dragged into Rock Court and given a life sentence of listening to Fergie’s solo album. I think his name is Adam something. I could look it up, but why should I validate his existence? He’s so whack that I don’t even want to bother opening up a new window to find it out. What I hate most about the song is that it’s played out, HEAVY USE OF AUTOTUNE, and oh yeah, IT’S MAROON FUCKING 5! I abhor that pseudo band. The fact that they have no talent was proven at last year’s VMAs when Adam something sounded like a pitbull with its nuts in a vice.